they say time heals all broken hearts?
Posted by Nina on Jan 30, 2010
I would say that it’s every parents nightmare to outlive their children and it’s every child’s nightmare to lose their parents. These days we have so many things that rob us of precious time and one thing about humanity that is certain and that is one day we will all die, hopefully later rather than sooner, but none of us will get out of this battle alive.
When I lost my dad it took me a long time to really be able to talk about him without crying or at the very least trying to fight back the tears. I don’t think you ever get over losing a parent and I am sure you never get over losing a child.. but I can say that every day that comes it gets a little easier to get through but that doesn’t mean the hole is filled. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my dad or wish I could call him up and just shoot the breeze.
I used to hate to watch television after he died because I would constantly see something that reminded me of him.. little girls standing on their dads feet and dancing, fathers hugging their daughters, songs, movies, weddings, funerals, sports games, food, holidays, every thing reminded me of him. It took me 2 years to realize that I shouldn’t feel pain when I see these things because every little thing that reminds me of him is a little piece of him still alive… alive in me.. in my family.
No, I still cry from time to time.. I’ve decided that trying not to is pointless because the tears come anyway.. but my dad wouldn’t want that.. in fact he’s told me “Baby don’t cry” more times than I can count.. no, I will never stop hurting but it’s getting easier to smile when I see and hear things that remind me of my dad… the most is hockey and music… those are two things we shared… they were special to us… something that was just his and mine.. something that connected us and in a way it still does.
I’ve realized that I am all my dad has left to carry on for him.. for myself, for my family, and some day.. for my children. He didn’t want to leave us.. and with the types of cancer he had, its amazing he lived 4yrs with it.. he was a fighter.. he beat alcoholism, divorce, he was a single parent, and he was extremely giving and kind.. very laid back and down to earth.. and I don’t think there was a single person he met that didn’t love him. I made a single vow to him as I watched his casket be lowered into the ground… and that was to just keep breathing and carry on..
So Daddy… this is me carrying on 
remembering how amazing you were, how blessed I am to be your daughter, and just how very much I miss you.
All my love,
Your Daughter.
Happy Birthday Sergey!!
Posted by Nina on Oct 30, 2009
Happy Birthday Darling!
Cake is a 2 layer cheese cake with cherry filling and ‘Happy Birthday Sergey’ written on top in blue icing with 2 jumbo 3 & 1 candles. My husband isn’t too much into birthday photography so I got all of 2 images.. but rest assured, he had a happy birthday and got lots of wonderful gifts.
Like Mother, Like Daughter.. or something like that.
Posted by Nina on Aug 27, 2009
Bella went in for her yearly vet exam and everything was fine.. but since she will be 5 this year.. wow! 5! her doctor told us it might be time to add some joint vitamins to help prevent and/or prolong arthritis in her back knees from her luxating patella. She has no pain and her knees don’t bother her.. so this is all as joint protection for her senior years. I asked the doctor what I should give her and she replied “just a regular glucosamine chondroitin”.
I have what is called “dancer’s knee”.. its basically a wearing down of the cartilage from repetitive movement.. so I was advised to take glucosamine chondroitin to help keep the joints lubricated and hopefully I can avoid knee replacements later on. It helps with the pain a lot! so if I can feel the advantages of the medicine, I am sure Bella will too. So there you have it… my little girl has knees just as bad as mine and she’s been told she should be taking the supplement too for the exact same reason I am! How’s that for irony.
Happy Birthday Daddy
Posted by Nina on Mar 13, 2009
Today my dad would have been 55. I often wonder what his life would be like now if he hadn’t gotten cancer.. if he had lived long enough to see us buy a house… if he had seen me become successful at my photography career.. if he had gotten to meet Sergey’s parents.. so many things I think about.. but most of all I remember.
The things I remember most about my dad are times like this photo.. he was taking me fishing and bought me my own fishing pole.. He would crank up Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock-n-Roll and let me stand on his feet while we danced.. and no matter how old I got, I always knew I could talk to him and he would understand… or watching Red Wing’s games with him, screaming at the tv and cheering loudly at the wins.. He was an amazing man.. I miss him each and every day.. but most of all, I feel proud… proud to have known him and proud to be his daughter.
I miss you daddy. Happy Birthday.
New Table & Chairs!
Posted by Nina on Feb 10, 2009
It’s been a long time since I have posted a real-life post.. and Melyssa mentioned recently how much she missed reading about people’s boring little lives… So here’s my attempt at an update. We had family from Minsk here in October. They spent nearly the entire month with us! I was a little horrified that we didn’t have an actual dinette set in our kitchen to eat breakfast and drink coffee at.. we had this little two seater bistro set that used to live on the patio at our old apartment filling up the dining area in the breakfast nook.. it was functional but when there are 4 adults buzzing around its a little too small. My mother-in-law loved Pier 1 and my father-in-law loved Lowes (they don’t have stores like these in Russia) and both were trying to buy us a small dinette set ..we of course refused.
She made us promise that we would fill that space in the near future.. and I was a little afraid my father-in-law would try to build us one.. I’m seriously not kidding.. he’s the kind of man who has to keep busy from sun up to sunset so he found lots of little projects to keep him busy while he was here.. but I was afraid to send him to Lowes alone because.. Lowes isn’t exactly a great furniture store. Well, we finally did! We ended up getting the 42″ glass top and this black iron base and 4 black chairs. It fits the spot perfectly! This was actually the set my mother-in-law was trying to buy for us! I topped it with a floral arrangement I threw together myself.
it’s over..
Posted by Nina on Jun 9, 2007
Dad passed away at 2:00 am on Saturday, June 9, 2007.
Closed services to immediate friends and family only.
Viewing will be 1 day & funeral the next.
Contact family for details.
More on Dad
Posted by Nina on May 30, 2007
Sergey and I had planned to spend Memorial Day weekend up at Pictured Rocks in the U.P. However, as you know from my last entry my father suddenly took ill and then his liver shut down. On Friday we left thinking we had 3 days to hope his medicine would start working, and if not the hospital was going to remove all of his medication. On Saturday morning we were told his lungs had filled with fluids and they were removing all of his medications and IV and that there was nothing more they could do for him..
Trying to take care of him the best I could while I was there, I took to applying moisturizers to his lips and wet sponging his mouth and suctioning out fluids that would accumulate into his mouth… suddenly before we left on Sunday to head for home I noticed when I would talk to him that his sighs became much louder than normal… and when I applied the wet sponge to his mouth he began trying to drink it! However, you hear that these are involuntary movements in coma patients… when I would ask if he could squeeze my hand he never moved… I didn’t have much hope at this point.. his urine had even turned reddish and was getting thick… (this is a sign that the kidneys are shutting down).. so we left preparing for a visit to the funeral home on Tuesday.
On Monday we get a phone call very early in the morning.. that he’s awake and he’s asking for us!!! His voice was extremely faint and he was coughing a lot and very congested. They started his IV so he was getting fluids, and said he couldn’t have anything but ice chips. We hugged and kissed goodbye and Sergey and I headed home. Today he was allowed to have clear liquids so he got water, lemon ice, clear soups, and juice. They came in today and started his lactulose and neomycin again (by mouth) and said that they are taking this day by day.. his voice is MUCH stronger today.. and he even got out of bed once.
At this point we have no idea whats going to happen to him.. but he’s alive.. he’s talking.. and hes promised me hes going to be OK.. so.. with that, I am off to bed to sleep for the first time in over a week!
Dad… (Updated)
Posted by Nina on May 25, 2007
Dad isn’t doing too well… on Tuesday he went to the hospital, Wednesday he spends most of the day asleep, Thursday people are unable to wake him up. Cancer sucks. Losing a parent for the 2nd time sucks. No one really knows anything at this point… no one can get him to wake up but they aren’t saying its a coma. He’s getting extra doses of medications to bring his ammonia level down, his count yesterday was 200 when the normal range is 50. They said today its up to 248.. and last I heard they were taking him for a brain scan to see if there was any activity. Then came the talks about resuscitation..
I’m trying to find reasons to think positively… so here’s my list.
I am grateful for:
- The 4yrs I have gotten with my father – when in the beginning we were told he had less than 6 mos.
- The kind of cancer my father has causes no pain. – having watched a lot of my relatives die from cancer, its no picnic.. there is usually a lot of pain and discomfort in the end and causing them so much discomfort that your wishing them to pass just to ease their discomfort.. dad has none…. he’s simply sleeping.
- I’ve had my father in my life for all 28yrs of it.
- Having my daddy walk me down the isle at my wedding.
- My husband.. he has no idea how to comfort me (never experiencing a loss of a parent) but tries just the same.
- That I was born into this family. – My grandfather (passed in April of lung cancer in 1995), my grandmother (Mum, my grandparents raised me.. but dad was always in my life), and my dad were/are the most amazing people I have ever met and they have taught me so much.
- Having my father live to see my 27th birthday (Sept 13) – a lot of my very close friends were not so lucky.
- Having my father tell me how proud he is of me and how good I look for dropping 100 pounds.
- Having a father who gave me every thing he could, never said no, and taught me how REAL men act, and to never settle for anything less than the best.
- For being a daddy’s girl to not one, but two fathers.
- Knowing my father loves me.. even though he seldom says it, when he does, its always tear filled and heartfelt.
Things I wish my dad can/could see:
- My children.
- My first house.
I’m really lucky to have had the time I have had with my family.
UPDATE: They checked dads ammonia levels today (Friday) and its up to 300. It means his liver isn’t working at all. He is still comatose. We haven’t heard any results of the brain scan as of yet. The staff have told Mum that they are giving him 3 more days to see if his body responds to treatment.. and if not, they will remove all of the tubes. We were then told that we should prepare ourselves.
Dad isn’t doing too well… on Tuesday he went to the hospital, Wednesday he spends most of the day asleep, Thursday people are unable to wake him up. Cancer sucks. Losing a parent for the 2nd time sucks. No one really knows anything at this point… no one can get him to wake up but they aren’t saying its a coma. He’s getting extra doses of medications to bring his ammonia level down, his count yesterday was 200 when the normal range is 50. They said today its up to 248.. and last I heard they were taking him for a brain scan to see if there was any activity. Then came the talks about resuscitation..
I’m trying to find reasons to think positively… so here’s my list.
I am grateful for:
* The 4yrs I have gotten with my father – when in the beginning we were told he had less than 6 mos.
* The kind of cancer my father has causes no pain. – having watched a lot of my relatives die from cancer, its no picnic.. there is usually a lot of pain and discomfort in the end and causing them so much discomfort that your wishing them to pass just to ease their discomfort.. dad has none…. he’s simply sleeping.
* I’ve had my father in my life for all 28yrs of it.
* Having my daddy walk me down the isle at my wedding.
* My husband.. he has no idea how to comfort me (never experiencing a loss of a parent) but tries just the same.
* That I was born into this family. – My grandfather (passed in April of lung cancer in 1995), my grandmother (Mum, my grandparents raised me.. but dad was always in my life), and my dad were/are the most amazing people I have ever met and they have taught me so much.
* Having my father live to see my 27th birthday (Sept 13) – a lot of my very close friends were not so lucky.
* Having my father tell me how proud he is of me and how good I look for dropping 100 pounds.
* Having a father who gave me every thing he could, never said no, and taught me how REAL men act, and to never settle for anything less than the best.
* For being a daddy’s girl to not one, but two fathers.
* Knowing my father loves me.. even though he seldom says it, when he does, its always tear filled and heartfelt.
Things I wish my dad can/could see:
* My children.
* My first house.
I’m really lucky to have had the time I have had with my family.
UPDATE: They checked dads ammonia levels today (Friday) and its up to 300. It means his liver isn’t working at all. He is still comatose. We haven’t heard any results of the brain scan as of yet. The staff have told Mum that they are giving him 3 more days to see if his body responds to treatment.. and if not, they will remove all of the tubes. We were then told that we should prepare ourselves.
very rough weekend!
Posted by Nina on Dec 14, 2006
I don’t even know where to begin with how horrible this past weekend had been… We have a little Yorkie at my parents that had gotten sick… he wouldn’t lift his head up to look at you, he wouldn’t move, he wouldn’t eat, and he wouldn’t drink… well Mum took him to the Emergency Vet.. they ran X-rays and blood tests (both viral and bacterial), checked all of his vitals and found nothing wrong except that he was slightly dehydrated.. his hydration was a 57/50 so it wasn’t enough to be concerned.. they gave her antibiotics just in case and said to take the X-rays and papers to his usual Vet if he didn’t improve..
Well.. he wasn’t feeling any better by morning.. so Mum took him in straight away and they told her they wanted to keep him for a few days because their tests came back showing nothing wrong also but he still wouldn’t eat or drink… so on Saturday we went in to see him and we had to force feed him some canned food and the entire time he was petrified because he has NEVER spent the night away from home before.. He ate about a pouch of food and they agreed that he could come home the next morning.. Well…………….. we went to pick him up and the vet told us the bill came to nearly $200 more than Mum agreed to pay and she had already left them a $200 check the night she left him there.. but they couldn’t find any receipt, they didn’t have the check, and were threatening to hold Ruff if she didn’t pay the $200 again! This is a Vet she has gone to for over 30 years! I WAS FURIOUS! They eventually found they credited someone else’s account with her $200, apologized, and gave us Ruff..
When he got home he ate his treats like usual but wouldn’t touch food.. he kept jumping and looking at his side and crying and we assumed it was the pain patch bothering him that they had placed there.. so we took it off.. then he started crying and whining so we went back for pain meds… then we (Sergey and I) had to make our 3hr drive home… Mum called later and said he actually ate a little and was drinking too! and was resting comfortably………. We were thinking at that point that it had probably been stress since he had NEVER spent the night in a kennel or vets office so this was all quite traumatic for him. The next morning he was 200% better and didn’t need any pain meds and hasn’t since. He is still taking both viral and bacterial antibiotics as a precautionary measure.. however we now think we know whats caused it.. pancreatitis. His symptoms are exactly the same as my cousins dog who had it and wasn’t diagnosed for 10 days in this kind of condition! We have since changed his food and his treats and he gets better each day..
As if that wasn’t enough.. we have a pet fish who has been with our family for 12yrs! Sunday morning he was flipping belly up.. we did everything that I knew how to do.. we changed his water, gave him intestinal parasite medicine, medicated his water under a ‘general cure’, added a new filter, and then placed him back in the tank… at that point we were thinking it was the end for him.. he was swimming about 50/50 right side up / tipping to his side when we left but he was still alive when we got home… the next morning Mum called me to say “you will never believe what happened this morning?” — what? I asked thinking she was telling me about the burial of my fish Moses… instead she gasped.. “That fish splashed me!! he came up begging like crazy for food and hasn’t stopped swimming since!”………….
2 sickly pets in our loving home cured from HORRIBLE illnesses… and for that I am so grateful and thankful!
Hospitals Suck Part 2
Posted by Nina on Sep 21, 2006
I got a call from my dad this afternoon. Apparently some of the medication the doctors had prescribed for him to take for headaches and sleeping aids were probably the cause of his liver failing to release toxins into the intestines. He is off all of his medications with the exception of his hunger pill (marinol), and they have increased its strength to help him have a larger appetite. Apparently its working much better. He was able to eat his entire breakfast and lunch this afternoon!
Better news is that his shaking has decreased and he is able to write his name now with no trouble. He knows the day of the week, can tell you the date, his addresses he still gets confused on sometimes but knows when he says it wrong it will sound wrong to him and he will say “no thats not right…” so his cloudiness is lifting. Doctors also say that is may be able to come home on Friday afternoon! I will see him on Saturday probably.
They have decided to take monthly blood tests to insure that he has no more problems like this. He hates to give blood but I think he understands just how serious this was and how lucky he is to be able to recover.. so he isn’t complaining. Why wouldn’t they be checking for this kind of thing all along?! Grandma says he looks 100% better today than he did yesterday.. and he told me on the phone he feels “almost as good as new”. We’re very lucky.
